The Confession - Theo Hakola, 1995


(1) JIM MORRISON MIGHT HAVE...

I've got a place inside me where I'm seeking self-knowledge
Where I think about my life and what I feel
And you're not supporting me if you disagree
with what I feel, you're attacking me for real

I've had some bruising battles in my fight for self-fulfillment
So I can feel what it feels to be a Haitian
You don't have to be in chains or blown up to know pain 
You don't have to be in Bosnia to suffer devastation

I'm trying to meditate but I'm dying of headache
Oh why can't Mario put a muffler on that mower?
Flora's scratching the finish on my new designer tub
and Pedro couldn't do the pool any slower

I understand El Salvador 'cause it's just like my life
I mean we're all victims one way or another
But the hispanics that work for me don't seem to like my company 
Must be playing out some drama with their mothers

            Jim Morrison might have written a song for you but I won't
            He was a big fat rock star who liked 'em hot
            He might have had a poem for you but I don't
            'Cause he was almost brain-dead and I'm not

I wonder if women are from Venus and men from Mars
I wonder if it's me or just L.A.
I wonder if I'm a woman who runs with wolves
I wonder if I should just run away 

Instead of making Coke ads I could be taking soul vitamins
I could fine-tune my creative core and psychic alinement
Yes, I could take that cut in  pay and get out of L.A.
Sell the Porsche and just say no to my soul's confinement

But I can't find anything but my face on a map
I can't find anything but my life in a book
I can't find anything but my pain in a painting
And when I can't find that it's not worth a second look

            Jim Morrison might have written a song for you but I won't
            He was a big fat rock star and I'm not
            He might have had a poem for you but I don't
            'Cause he was almost brain-dead and I'm not

            Jim Morrison might have written a song for you but I won't
            He might have touched your soul with a load of lyric rot
            Yes he might have had a way with words that I don't
            But he's six feet under in Père Lachaise and I'm not

(2) HOOK, LINE AND GREEN-EYED BELLE

The valley was her sweeping arms
The river was her rippling fingers
The hole was her swirling soul so deep
And her cast an emerald gaze so sweet
            It lands lightly
            and lightly lingers

The line was a life of longing
The fly was her dancing disdain
The hook was relief for an overflowing heart
And the barb was her flesh poured like art
            Poured like mountains
            Poured like rain

He rose for a casual taste or a touch
He let instinct go to hell
He circled and dipped and nibbled and slipped
and the lure finally caught his lip
            He swallowed
            Hook, line and green-eyed belle

The duel went on for an eon
for the barb locked her deep in his gut
He shimmied and shimmered in his cool, clear river
Diving to keep what he couldn't give her
            still he wanted to die
            when the line she did cut
            Oh green-eyed belle
            How could you give up?

The line was a life of longing
The fly was her dancing disdain
Her hook was relief for an overflowing heart
Now she's inside him till death does its part
            Poured like a river
            Poured like rain
            Oh green-eyed belle
            Come fishing again

(3) CORINNE CORINNE

            J'ai un chien
            Il est beau comme un dieu
            Mais ce chien n'a rien
            De la grâce de tes yeux

            Corinne Corinne
            Dis-moi comment tes yeux
            Corinne Corinne
            Sont devenus si bleus

            J'ai une jument bordeaux
            Elle a un cou comme une reine
            Mais devant l'éclat de ta peau
            Mon palefroi peint est blême

            Corinne Corinne
            Dis-moi comment ça se fait
            Corinne Corinne
            Que tu sois si satinée

Mais si tu ne me prends plus dans tes bras, mamour, je vais mourir de froid

            J'ai un agneau noir
            Tout pur, tout petit
            Mais cet ange n'a rien
            De la noblesse de ton esprit

            Corinne Corinne
            Dis-moi comment ton essence
            Corinne Corinne
            Transcende toute connaissance

            J'ai un loup blanc
            Il chante comme Caruso
            Mais son aria s'efface
            Devant ton bel canto

            Corinne Corinne
            Je ne pense qu'a toi
            Corinne Corinne
            Je n'entends que ta voix

Et si tu ne penses plus à moi, je vais mourir de désarroi
Et si tu ne me prends plus dans tes bras, mamour, je vais mourir de froid

Oh malheureuse, sirène sabordeuse ! Oh ma fille, vilaine savoureuse !
Si tu ne me prends plus dans tes bras, mamour, je vais mourir de froid

(4) SMOKE AND HONEY

  My little man talks like a tango
  My little man walks like a waltz
  My little man balks when I try to lead
  for fear that my step prove false

  Her voice is smoke and honey,
  a sigh rising from the deep
  Her song is an aching invocation
  to stand at her cliff and leap

She scrapes me broken and beat off the street, fills my cold holes with her healing heat,  like a triumph of will, she will, I will... Yes
She's the gnawing ache dripping disdain for fate
She's the lack of in-between between living and dying;
My little man is a siren with a song of asylum, cutting short my reedy breath
The black forest, the dark rose resistant, in the way, in the way of day to day death

  My little man laughs with her eyes
  My little man dances with her hands
  My little man eats like an orphan
  and my little man drinks like sand

  My little man is an ocean
  and her eyes are the darkest wells
  daring me to dive in
  and lose myself in her swells

And the mescal flows with an odor of urgency leading to bourbon and beer 
until manic delight is drowned by the night, breeding a fragrance of fear 
And my little man wonders if I'm lying, wonders if we're an indecent sight
in a city crying with bodies flying, she wonders if a kiss is right...
And while I pray the Lord my soul she'll keep, a bomb goes off at my feet
and my little man dances and dives and runs and fires and slides
I take one in the chest and she takes me inside and flushes my flesh with desire and pride,
with the blood of my wound... wonders if it's love or the moon...
My little man wonders... if she kissed me too soon

  My little man feeds me her heart
  because she sees me too thin  
  My little man suckles me with her mind
  and wraps me up in her skin

  From Helsinki to Hell to Her I sail
  battling sleaze, sleet, snow and hail
  And every day as I make my way
  I thank the gods my little man is female

  For my little man is an ocean
  and her eyes are the darkest wells
  daring me to dive in
  and lose myself in her swells

  Yes her voice is smoke and honey,
  a sigh rising from the deep
  and her song is the sweetest incantation
  to ever penetrate my sleep

(5) QUAND ON EST RICHE ON EST DIFFÉRENT

Ils ne prennent pas le métro
Ils comprennent mal les rues
Un café en retard peut leur coller le cafard 
et l'eau du robinet les tue

Ils vont à la gym pour parler anglais
Ils prennent du gin et des cachets de bien
Leur peau, ils la font parfaire au papier de verre
et ils la découpent quand elle ne gaine plus rien

            Quand on est riche on est différent
            On a plus d'argent qu'autrui
            On a de la terre par l'arrière grand-mère
            et l'argent allonge nos vies

            Quand vous êtes riche vous êtes différents
            Vous avez plus d'argent que nous
            Vous êtes inodores et la mort vous ignore
            et tout le monde veut être vous

Ils ont un labrador "yellow"
et leurs enfants ont la vie sans boutons
Leurs garçons ont des dents comme des pianos
et leurs filles ont des nez comme des bouchons

Quand ils sont bons, ils sont marrants
Quand ils sont mauvais, ils peuvent faire de la peine
Et quand ils sont mécontents, ils sont effrayants
Mais ils s'abstiennent de faire des scènes
           
            Quand on est riche on est différent
            On a plus d'argent qu'autrui
            On a des grandes baignoires et une maison à Dinard
            et des enfants qui sont riches aussi

            Quand vous êtes riches vous êtes différents
            Vous avez plus d'argent que nous
            Vous ne tâtez pas la poubelle ni la vaisselle
            Des étrangers font ça pour vous

            Quand on est...

            Quand vous êtes...

(6) PRIÈRE PROFANE

O Dieu, trouve-moi du crack qui dure et dure et dure
Contre la sottise qui nous enlise, Dieu trouve-moi des murs
Une drogue qui ne fait pas mal, mon Dieu, je la cherche toujours
Car le mensonge qui serre nos cœurs, mon Dieu, a toujours libre cours:

            Remplaçons l'intelligence par la loi du marché
            Mettons le profit devant l'humanité
            Le socialisme est défunt, cédons à nos vrais instincts
            Au diable l'idée d'améliorer la société

O Dieu, trouve-moi une amour qui dure et dure et dure 
Contre l'immondice du monde odieux, trouve-moi quelque chose de pur
Une amour qui écrase l'exécrable, mon Dieu, je la cherche toujours
Car la faim profonde, mon Dieu, elle a toujours libre cours :

            Mangeons, mangeons, mangeons, avant que l'écume nous écrase
            Vive le réinvestissement des bénéfices pour en tirer davantage
            Vendons, vendons, vendons tant qu'il y a de la matière de base
            Avant qu'il n'y ait plus rien à prendre, vendons tout et sans gage...

Comment ne pas être, mon Dieu, malade de rage?

Le fruit de vos profits sont vos excès dépravés –
Vos Yamamotos moches à 12 000 le complet
Que vos impôts montent pour éponger cette honte ;
Que vos commerces crêvent pour tous vos péchés

            D'un lac d'arrogance coule un fleuve d'oppulence à prendre et à rediriger
            Il y a un amas d'âmes à irriguer et un marché malfaiteur à noyer décapité

Comment ne pas être, mon Dieu, infecté?

            J'ai enfin les bras cassés à force de câliner des nuées, comme l'autre disait...
            J'ai enfin le ventre troué, par tout ce spleen ravalé, par toutes ces vies brisées...

            par le pouls palpitant du profit débridé qui prend l'avant devant l'humanité
            par la carence de décence et de vérité :  J'ai l'âme échinée par le désir outré

            Salisseurs de cerveaux, prêtres de l'échec
            saboteurs de visées intellectuelles
            Il faut vous déconstruire vos gueules et vous faire lire vos têtes
            selon le très, très vrai George Orwell
            Des faits peuvent être établis et selon Antonio Gramsci :
            La vérité est toujours révolutionnaire
            Dire qu'on ne peut pas la connaître, que la chercher est faux et traître 
            c'est embrasser un cul de sac autoritaire

Ce n'est pas facile de s'échapper – héroïne, naphtaline et le foot à la télé
L'amour physique et la musique beatnique, le grand sommeil ou bien une bouteille...
une belle dose des quatre roses, 
ou bien, mon Dieu – goujat odieux : Du rosé, du rosé

            J'ai enfin les bras cassés à force de câliner des nuées
            J'ai enfin le ventre troué, par tout ce spleen ravalé, par l'amour remué...

            par l'usure de la vomissure qui tire un trait entre nous et Dieu
            par la haine sans pause d'une vie sans cause et les vœux piteux de la soif de mieux
            par le pouls palpitant du profit débridé qui prend l'avant devant l'humanité
            par la carence de décence et de vérité : J'ai l'âme assommée par le désir outré

(7) RÉSUMÉ

words to this song are a combination of two poems by Dorothy Parker:
"Résumé" and "The Trifler"

(8)  NOWHERE

For you happy believers, death is just a step
But the moment that step's been taken
lifeless slumber is all you get
Once you're dead you never awaken

So start a nuclear war; take that righteous risk
Push the button with a smile on your face
But once we've all been burned to a crisp
we'll all go to the same place... and that's nowhere
>>
No you won't be sitting on the right hand of God
or come back as something soft and furry
You'll just decay and rot away under the sod
if you're lucky enough to be buried

So strap that bomb to your body if you must
and be a kamikaze sensation
But once you've been blown to bits of dust
there'll be no heaven, hell or transmigration... just nowhere
>>
Now we all know life on earth is trial and toil
sound and fury, hard huffing and puffing
But when you've given up the old mortal coil
there's nothing left for you but nothing

So you can drink your bible and eat your koran
Wage war against the worldling sinner
Expel the infidel from your land if you can
But when you die you're just another worm's dinner... nowhere

>>>>

When you die you don't go to heaven
You don't even go to hell
There's no foul fiend or fiery furnace
no angels, harps or bells

There's no salvation or life ever after
once you finally stop breathing
It would be so nice just to go around twice
But it's over when your heart stops beating

(9)  LA BOUSSOLE

Quand les anges renverseront leurs coupes de colère
dans l'air, dans la mer et sur la terre
Quand nos aïeux nourris à l'hostie auront compris
le secret de notre péché mystère 

Quand ils se mettront à ronger ta chair
Quand ils boiront ton sang mon frère
Alors tu sentiras la flamme humide de ma langue
de feu caresser ta crinière

            Et je t'aimerai et tu m'aimeras
            Et cet amour, mon amour, te libèrera

Quand l'ardante Absinthe, l'étoile amère
sera tombée pour infecter les eaux
et que les astres aux cieux seront cachés à tes yeux
par un mur de fumée et de fléaux
           
Quand tu seras porté disparu dans la nuit infinie
d'une guerre infiniment perdue
Je serai sur le rivage pour te cueillir de l'orage
et soulager ton corps battu

            Et je t'aimerai et tu m'aimeras
            Et cet amour, mon amour, te libèrera

Quand les anges renverseront leurs coupes de colère
Quand le sang gonflera les fleuves
Quand on aura couché la terre sous des draps d'ulcères,
de soufre et de couleuvres

Quand dans une brume assoiffée tu seras longtemps poussé
par un vent aride andalou
Quand tu seras fouetté et piraté du sommeil
par les typhons qui tomberont de partout

Quand la mer bouillonne et que ses conques sonnent 
Quand ses lames auront tout écorché
Quand elle aura ravi ton équipage au sombre naufrage   
dans le ventre de sa saumure affamée

Quand ses flots jailliront à bord, que tu perdras le Nord
et que ton corps ne sentira plus rien
Alors ma voix prendra la barre et te ramènera du large
pour unir ton pauvre cœur au mien

Tu m'entendras et ma voix te sauvera des eaux
Tu m'aimeras et ta foi m'amènera ton radeau
            Ce chant est une promesse d'une cascade des caresses, la chaleur pour l'éternité
            Car je t'aimerai, toujours, loin des flots

Tu es le cœur qui sera réanimé
par le bruit de mon chœur de minuit
Ravivé par mon eau de vie
Restauré par une nuit dans mon puits

Je suis la plume qui trace ton sillon
Je suis la boussole qui te tient sur ma voie
Je suis l'amour qui chantera la berceuse de ton âme
Quand tu viendras dormir dans mes bras
           
            Je t'aimerai et tu m'aimeras
            Viens dormir, viens dormir dans mes bras.

(10)  CANTO MADRILEÑO

The Andalusian waiter sings along with the radio
Sings a song of wrong done long, long ago
He's got the golden throat and the fine-cut silhouette
He's got the matador calves shining bright with every step
He's got the flamenco shoulders and black eyes of the south
He's got jamon serrano to melt in your mouth
He was born too late, too young and too poor
Now he's stuck in this café on Plaza Mayor
He was born to believe in the future's open door
Now he's stuck in the present and the present's a whore
He's got no good, brave causes left to sing for anymore
Just cafe con leche y coñac por favor
>>
And I can't stop this music exploding in my head, hounding me down the street
and waking  the  dead
They  sing a song of struggle like a lovelorn sigh,  crawling from the rubble where
they went to die
I can't stop this music and I know why.  Now I'll sing it and scream it
'til the sweet bye and bye
>>
My heart is pounding like a storm trooper search
and there's an echo in my head like a big gothic church
There's the strains of strings wafting down the stairs
where the pain takes wings, grabs my heart and tears
And I can't stop my feet and I can't stop my legs
I can't forget the sweet heat of better days
They're alive and watching me from the sky
and I can't stop running and I know why
Their voices are humming behind the night
and they're singing the songs of the long gone good fight
And I can't stop that midnight train to Teruel
I can't stop their bleeding and burning all to hell
>>
And I can't stop this...
>>
Twenty years ago general pig gave his last snort
Never tried for hispanocide in any Spanish court
That he died in bed is a god awful crime
An insult to the fallen of his bloody trail of slime
But I can almost see light at the end of the cave
One more offensive and we'll get back what we gave
We'll cross the river for the Republic that we can still save
and the rain in Spain will fall on fascism's grave
And then the light goes dim as the sun fades
as the locusts roar in on a lethal lead wave
breaking on and over my heart
Oh show your face now, God, and I'll tear it apart
>>
And I can't stop this...
... Now I'll howl it and yowl it 'til the end is nigh. I'll sing this song, mamita mia,
'till the  day I die

(11) THE CONFESSION

I've written songs about baseball and songs about death
I've written songs about Ventoline and the struggle for breath
I've written songs about Franz Kline and abstract cool
and the mortal blue gaze of Peter O'Toole

I've written songs about red hair, anger and drugs
about Carson McCullers and longing lost loves--
young Mick, good Biff, Jake and Reeves
Dr. Copeland, little Bubber and Portia on her knees

I've written songs about volcanoes burning to blow
and songs about the cursed reaping what they sow 
The Reverend Ian Paisley having Senator Robert Dole
with Sanchez Covisa in a carnal quid pro quo
I've written songs about  Luz Blanca and Mathilde de la Mole
Louise Michel, fresh hell and the black bottom of the hole
an Andalusian Zorro, a class war in Idaho 
and a beacon blue-eyed Little Wolf with a howling soul

            AND I'M TIRED

I've written songs about Blacks and Whites and blues
and a whole lot of Reds and a slew of Jews,
about hope and yearning and hunger burning through
with Bukharin's girlfriend and Kafka's too

I've written songs about Paris and the mur des Fédérés,
living at night and dying in the day,
Père Lachaise, Pont Neuf and the porcine plague
Love lilting, wilting and waltzing away

I've written songs about Kazettlers turning into Zeks
and "Peoples' Courts" stringing up anti-fascist Czechs
while cops tipped their hats to Herr Bert Brecht
and the State smiled down on their pliant, poet-pet
I've written songs about Havel, Olaf Palme and dogs
I've written songs of exaltation and songs bashing frogs
I wrote a song about speakerines and that was the worst
I've written songs about thirst, thirst, thirst, thirst and thirst

            AND I'M TIRED; I'M SO TIRED

I've written songs about Monaco, McEnroe and Spokane 
Songs about trout, moral wreckage and sham
I've written songs full of roses, righteous poses and wars 
and songs about Hollywood ear and eyesores
 
I've written songs about truth and common decency
and Saint George Orwell dumping on the bourgeoisie
Songs for Chief Joseph and purple mountain majesty
Corinne Corinne, Oh Rosa and Lucybel Lee

I've written songs about wrongs and songs about rights
I've written songs about Wobbly blood and heroic strikes
about Los Cuatro Generales and the eternal fight
against the brown shirt, Christian, lunatic blight
Moodswings, mescal flings, white heat and white light
A kiss like an explosion in the middle of the night
I've written songs so strong so many times it's trite
I've written songs so long that they just roll out of sight

            AND I'M TIRED; I'M TIRED; I'M SO TIRED
           
            I've felt the river flow from my mouth with a smile
            I've fast talked and name-dropped 'til the cows came home
            But there were songs I had to cough out like unnecessary bile
            and there were times when the lines left me cold and alone

So this might be the song of slow suffocation
Mediocre torpor and creeping incrustation
Bypassed only by sweet inebriation
This is the song of choking frustration

I've written songs to make you laugh and songs to make you weep
Songs of blessed sex and the quest for real sleep
I've written songs about Republicans and Lord I was Pro-Choice,
wishing they'd been vacuumed or curated while still moist

I've written songs about 1899 and 1913
I've written songs about everything I've ever seen
Collaboration, violation, alienation and my brother
Big Bill Haywood and my great grandmother
There was a song with Harvey Milk, Toni Morrison and Vanzetti,
and a Williams called Ted and another known as Tennessee
Along with songs about the longest war in history--
the war against the female half of humanity

I've written songs about the conscience and the will of a child
La fée verte absinthe and good old Oscar Wilde
I've written songs about desire like a runaway train
and long, thin fingers like a silver chain
I've written songs of drunks draining Velvet nights in Prague
I've written songs about the invasion of  the moron demagogues,
streams of spleen on the new Newts rising from the bog  
I've written songs about God, God, God, God, God, God...

            AND I'M TIRED; I'M SO TIRED...   I'M TIRED; I'M SO TIRED

            I've felt the river flow from my mouth with a smile
            I've fast talked and name-dropped 'til the cows came home
            But there were songs I had to cough out like unnecessary bile
            and there were times when the lines left me cold and alone

            And no matter how finely honed my knife might have seemed
            it hasn't even threatened the profit-mad powers that be
            or lanced the boil on the nation and cut out the gangrene
            to spark the transformation of this shark society
 
            No, no matter how sweet and sharp my knife might have seemed   
            It hasn't opened up the heart of the dark rose of my dreams
            And no matter how many songs I've ever written and screamed
            I'm still alone and railing and wading up love streams